Why can’t I be more like my dog?

My dog doesn’t seem to think about anything but eating, sleeping and getting belly rubs.  Me, I’ve been thinking about all of this crap, all day long and I just need to get it out and be done with it.  Here it goes (in no particular order)…

1.  I’ll start things off a positive note.  I was very happy to watch Nancy Pelosi get sworn in as the first woman to be Speaker of the House.  I found her speech to be very positive and I’m hopeful that her intent to reach across party lines turns out to be more than propaganda…time will tell.  But, as a woman, who is also interested in politics, I find this to be a positive milestone for women in our country.  Washington needs to represent the interests of all citizens equally.  It’s also worthy to note that today marked the swearing in of the first Muslim representative. 

2.  For the last two nights I’ve had dreams about the BCS game.  I live in Iowa but my mother’s family is from Florida and let me tell you, we are a Gator family.  When the Bruins somehow managed to beat USC, it brought Florida one step closer to facing off with Ohio – it gave me a glimmer of hope that I’d thought had been lost.  Then, when it was announced that Florida officially had the game, I was so friggin’ excited that I could hardly contain myself.  But no one expects them to win.  I’m in a Bowl pool and I was doing pretty well but I had a bad day on New Year’s Day.  I lost every game that day, but I digress.  My point here is that I am the only person in my pool that picked Florida to win the game.  Yes, I realize that Ohio is having a damn good season and they’re going to be tough to beat, but I also know that Florida CAN beat them.  And God help me, I want Florida to win that game so badly!  (okay, I got that off my chest, now maybe I can dream about something else tonight…)    

3.  The job.  I start on Tuesday (she wanted me to start on Monday but, are you kidding me, that’s game day baby!) so I stopped out there today to pick up my schedule.  Okay, yes, I’m relieve to have a job.  The lights will stay on, my dog won’t starve, they’ll work around my class schedule, all is right with the world.  And it seems like a really great company to work for, they truly seem to appreciate their employees.  But omigod, I’m going to have to work so many nights and weekends and I haven’t worked a night or weekend in ten years.  The dread I feel is almost overwhelming.  I’m not trying to be whiny but yes, I’m whining.  (I’m lucky to have a job.  I’m lucky to have a job.  I’m lucky to have a job.)

4.  Massachusetts is currently the only state in which gay marriage is legal, yet it is currently looking as though a proposed ban on gay marriage is going to be on their ballot in 2008.  I’m not gay, but if I were, I’d like to think that I could have the same rights as other citizens.  And I can’t understand why people are so opposed to it except that it must be fear (go ahead, rip my ass on that one, really let me have it.  I’m waiting….).  If two people are in love and they want to spend their life together, who is that hurting?  There is enough hate in the world already – I’m all for spreading a little love around.  There have been lots of issuesin this country, that at one time, were not readily accepted by society - inter-rational marriage, divorce, “living in sin”.  Is this simply another issue that is fighting for its acceptance in our world or is this truly a divide that we cannot bridge?

5.  I hate to unload the dishwasher and it needs to be unloaded.  It’s sitting there, full of clean dishes, mocking me.  In the time it took me to write this post I could have had the dishwasher unloaded and loaded the dirty dishes that are sitting in the sink into it, but God help me, I’d rather clean the damn toilet than unload the friggin’ dishwasher. 

I think that’s it.  Now I think I’m going to rub my dog’s belly, watch a rerun of Friends, not unload the dishwasher and try to get rid of my headache.

a full moon

Yesterday was my birthday.  I’m getting older and yet there are still so many things that I want to accomplish.  Last night, as I was standing outside waiting for my pup to finish her business, I glanced towards the sky and noticed the moon.  I knew it was going to be full last night, but I wasn’t prepared for how beautiful it looked to me.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.   Suddenly I wanted only to be free.  Free of financial constraints.  Free of the emotional baggage and scars left behind by broken promises, broken trust, a broken heart.  Free of fear. 

Every day is an opportunity.  Happiness is not something we’re given – it’s something we achieve.  A year ago, I accepted that my fate lies in my hands and I took a leap of faith.  I quit my job.  I had no idea what I was going to do but I also believed in myself enough to know that I’d figure it out.  Instead of settling for yet another cubicle I decided to return to my education so that I could create a different life for myself.  This past year has not been easy.  There have been financial concerns.  There have been days that I questioned my decision.  But through it all I’ve had the love and support of my family and my friends.  They have held my hand, and even held me up, as I traveled this road.  I am incredibly fortunate.  I am surrounded by amazingly wonderful people.  And while I may be getting older, there’s still time.   

As I continued to look towards the sky last night, I realized that I am already free.  Although I still have the constraints and the emotional baggage and the fears, I don’t let them stop me from reaching for the moon.